Monster of Reliance
by blackhairedgirls
Summary: Reina wants to be strong for herself. But to be able to do that, she must do one thing. (A bit psychological/includes depression)


" _Reina, I would never leave you. I will stay beside you forever, I promise"_

Liar. Don't make promises you can't keep.

Those beautiful words were the reason I stayed here, I was holding on to them ever since the day my most important person said them to me. Life sucks, school sucks but I managed to get by, I have someone that made everything better after all. But…..I was naïve to think that everything will stay that way.

Kumiko is my best friend, my only friend. I met her at junior high and became friends with her despite my social inability, she's even aware of my poor social skills. She has a lot of friends but I was the most important to her, I was the closest one to her. Other people disliked me but she stayed with me. Even when I told her that hanging out with me may affect her reputation, she still chose to stay by my side. I was really happy, she was my very first friend, the first person who treated me well. After graduating from middle school, my dad wanted me to study abroad but I stayed here because Kumiko told me that she wanted to go to the same high school as me. I don't want to disappoint my dad but parting with Kumiko is something I can't possibly do, so I decided to tell him my selfish desire to stay. And to my surprise, he was more than happy when he heard it. And so, I went to the same high school as Kumiko.

In our freshman year, everything was going well at first. We go home together, eat lunch together. She gained a lot of friends while I remained the "that cold girl whose friends with Oumae-san" , almost the same as middle school. Then we became sophomores, it seems like being a high schooler made a lot of impact on Kumiko. She rarely goes home with me anymore, she started spending her time after class going to karaoke, shopping malls or café with her new friends. We weren't on the same class, decreasing the time we spent together even more, she doesn't pick up my calls that much and even forgets our weekend get together a lot of times. Eventually, she neglected me completely.

I was diagnosed with social communication disorder and depression when I was young, I always avoid interacting with others so I've never had any friends, and on top of that, I have a cold personality so people in class naturally hate me. Back in elementary years I often transferred schools. I am a victim of bullying, which gotten worse after Kumiko left my side. Today, I went home with my indoor shoes because someone hid my shoes again.. but no one cares any more.

I sat on my bed and put my bag down. Another tiring day has passed, I managed to stay calm despite the constant bullying from my classmates, I believe they all want me to burst into tears before they leave me alone. _Ah, I'm so glad I kept my composure today too._ I don't want them to think I'm weak. I don't want her to think I'm having a hard time without her. That was the truth, but I don't want her to know.

The album on my desk caught my eye, so I reached out my hand and took it. The cover has a photo of me and Kumiko, smiling. I opened the album, it's full of our pictures from junior high, we looked so happy. If only things have stayed that way. I grind my teeth and placed my hand on my chest, it hurts.

Tears started falling from my eyes, and it won't stop, like they have been waiting to fall for a very long time. It's really painful, I feel like killing myself right now. With the overwhelming stress, sadness, and depression that I have been keeping inside myself for a while now, I broke down.

I threw the album to the picture frames on my desk. I took the books out of my shelf and threw them everywhere; I violently kicked the vase beside my bed, causing a really loud noise. I am aware that my uproar could be heard by my dad and the neighbors but I didn't care, I feel like I'm losing my mind, myself. I punch and kick everything that enters my field of vision. I was crying and shouting like a mad man. _Why do I have to suffer?! Why do I have to feel this way?_! _I want to die! I want to die! I want to die! Just kill me now!_

After I ruined everything in my room, all my strength suddenly left my body. I sat on the floor, feeling dead inside. I heard someone slowly opening my door, probably my dad but I didn't bother to look at him. Maybe he's been standing behind the door the whole time, I was really loud after all, and he just stood there till I calm down. He sat on my bed; I faced him with a blank expression, stared at him with eyes as dead as my heart. He wandered his eyes around the room, his eyes stopped at the school indoor shoes under my desk. _Ah, I didn't want him to see that._ He raised his right hand, I thought he was going to hit me because of all the mess I caused so I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes, but instead I felt his hand gently patting my head. I quickly opened my eyes and looked at him, he's wearing a painful expression but he's smiling at me. Seeing him like that made me want to cry again.

"Do you want to change schools again?"

* * *

I closed the book I've been reading since I got admitted to this hospital. I lay on the bed and closed my eyes. It's so peaceful, I feel calm. I broke my arm punching the walls and everything in my room, I also had wounds in my feet after stepping on broken glasses. It's been two days since I've gone wild and wrecked my room. Because of what I did, my dad called a psychiatrist on me. I wanted to refuse but he pleaded with me to cooperate, he said he just wants to make sure that I won't hurt myself again and it's only for a little while. I didn't tell him the reason I broke down, though he found out about the bullying and told me to take a break from school. _That wasn't the reason at all, Dad._

Just when I feel like falling asleep, the door suddenly opened. My chest clenched when I saw the person who entered the room. She's breathing heavily, it seems like she came here in a hurry. She walked, no, run to my side.

"Reina, why did you do that?!" Kumiko said, her face is wearing a pained expression. I didn't answer her, I didn't want to answer her. She buried her face in my chest. _She's crying._ Why are you crying? You didn't care about me until now, right?

"I-I was so worried! Your classmate told me you're taking a break from school and, and I tried calling you but it won't get through, and I found out that you're here and… " she said while sobbing.

 _I lost my phone 2 months ago and changed my number but she just noticed now?_ That fact hurt me deeply. It's so painful, but I don't want to cry here. Not in front of her.

She finally raised her head and look at me. Her tears are falling non-stop, "I-I just can't believe it, why did you do that? It doesn't make sense." She reached for my hand and held it firmly." You were so strong"

" _You were so strong"._

 _You were so strong._

 _YOU WERE SO STRONG._

You're wrong! I'm not a strong person! I WAS NEVER STRONG! I'm just relying on you all the time, I treated you almost like a lifeline. But you didn't understand me, you don't know anything about me at all. My strong front, you didn't even notice it. Even though I was dying inside, even though I was suffering every day. I lowered my head and closed my eyes.

"Reina?" her words don't reach me anymore. I was completely lost in my thoughts, the realization that my most important person, the person I love the most, didn't think of me at all. It hurts, I can't keep calm anymore. Closing my eyes didn't help at all, and tears just started falling from my eyes.

And for the very first time, I cried in front of her. Not answering her questions, not saying anything at all, not even looking at her. I just cried there, trying to let the all pain out.

* * *

After that incident, Kumiko almost never left my side. I told her that I was fine and I give her the cold shoulder every time but it didn't affect her at all. She stopped hanging out with her other friends after school and always goes home with me. She's always asking me to hang out with her, study together and eat together but I always turn her down. There are times she comes unannounced to my house, bringing books and foods with her, I didn't even bother to eat or read them at all though. But despite my cold treatment, she remained by my side.

There are times that I thought of giving in, that it's better to forget about everything that happened and just go back to normal. She came back to me after all. But every time I tried, anger and frustration is starting to build inside me. It was just too impossible to forget and deep inside me, I know that wasn't the right thing to do.

"Reina, do you want a bite? You like cheese cake right?" Kumiko said. She barged into my house again.

"Go away" I said in a very low voice.

Kumiko looked surprised at first but then smiled at me, "You finally spoke to me and you're saying that?", she put down her plate and walk toward me, "Are you tired? Let me take you to your room. I'll stay with you there"

 _I will stay with you._ I used to love hearing that from her. I looked up to meet her gaze. _Ah, I know those eyes. My dad is giving me same the look all the time._

She was about to touch my shoulders but I stopped her quickly, smacking her hands without thinking. Even I was surprised at my own action. Kumiko looked at me with wide eyes but she didn't get mad, "It's okay, Reina. You'll get better"

I hate this feeling, I hate this treatment. She pities me. She's guilty about neglecting me, she felt responsible for my break down. _That's why she's here._

 _You'll get better._ I feel irritated hearing those words from her. She wanted me to get better? Why? _SO SHE COULD LEAVE ME AGAIN?_

Ah! It hurts. I grind my teeth and touched my head firmly. My head hurts, my heart hurts.

"Reina?! What's wrong? Are you alright?"

I started crying. Just as I thought, this isn't fine at all. She's beside me but I'm not feeling it. Our current situation doesn't feel right, this is wrong. This is all plain wrong. How will I get better if keep on relying on her?

I stared at her, she looked really worried. But her feelings are too heavy for me. I don't want her pity, I want to be strong, to stand on my own feet. _Yes Kumiko, I will get better, but not with you here._

I held her hands and looked straight at her. For the first time after my breakdown, I'm looking at her with honest eyes. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I will be stronger, I won't change schools, I am not going to run away. I'm going to study hard, I'm going to struggle and overcome all my problems. . I will keep going; I will work hard for myself, not for anyone else. And for me to do all of that, I need to do one thing first.

 _Stop relying on Kumiko._

This is really painful but this is what I want. This is the best for me, this is the best for her. With tears still flowing at my face, I told her what's in my heart.

"Kumiko, please.. Please leave me alone"

 _Sorry for being a burden, sorry for blaming you. I'm going to work really hard, so I can get by without relying on you._

* * *

Afterword: Too heavy! I wanted to write a one-shot with broken Reina (I mean she's too perfect, so at I least wants to see her break down a little) and how she'll get by without relying on her lifeline which is Kumiko, her love. But I also wanted to write her progress, her love story with Kumiko and more drama, but it just won't fit in one chapter! I don't know if I'll continue it, should I?

Anyway, thanks for reading it! English is not my first language so I apologize for the wrong grammar, spellings, etc. I'm just too lazy to check them all over again.

Update: Sorry, I' don't think I'll continue this story. I wrote this after reading another yuri work but I wasn't satisfied in that story because the psychological part was completely ignored for the "happy end". So basically, I wrote this without a "happy ending" in mind, and you wouldn't like that right?. I'm not projecting either, psychological is just my thing. And for those who asked for Kumiko's POV, I'm sorry again but to answer your questions, her selfish actions wasn't justified at all. She neglected Reina and made a mistake, but she regretted it.

I'm writing another psychological Kumirei fanfic though,I hope you'll read it.


End file.
